When Test Scores Don’t Tell the Whole Story: Recognizing Real Progress in Your Child’s Development
- Nikki McRory, MA CCC-SLP, BCBA
- 3 days ago
- 11 min read
I get it. You’re sitting in yet another evaluation meeting, looking at charts and graphs and percentile ranks, and somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re thinking: But what about the fact that she smiled at her brother yesterday? What about the way he asked for help this morning instead of melting down?
Those moments? They matter. And if no one’s told you this yet, let me be the one to say it: You’re not imagining things. That IS progress.
The Problem with Relying Only on Developmental Milestones
Here’s the thing about standardized assessments—they’re useful. They give us data. They track certain milestones. But they weren’t designed to capture the moments that actually change your day-to-day life with your child.
What Traditional Assessments Miss
Traditional developmental milestone checklists measure skills in isolation: Does your child point? Do they make eye contact? Can they follow two-step directions? These are important markers, but they don’t measure the things that actually matter most to families.
They don’t measure the morning your kid recovered from a meltdown in five minutes instead of forty-five. They don’t document the first time your child used a word to tell you what they needed instead of pulling your hand toward it. They can’t quantify the way your heart felt when your child looked at you during playtime—really looked at you—and you both just… connected.
And yet, those are the moments that tell you therapy is working. Those are the moments that matter.
Why Functional Progress Matters More
Functional progress refers to the skills and behaviors that actually improve your child’s quality of life and ability to participate in daily activities. It’s not about meeting a developmental chart—it’s about whether your child can navigate their world more successfully, communicate their needs more effectively, and build meaningful connections with the people around them.
When we focus only on standardized scores, we risk missing the forest for the trees. We might see that a child’s language scores haven’t budged, but fail to notice that they’re now using gestures to communicate frustration instead of hitting. We might document that fine motor skills remain delayed, but overlook the fact that the child is now willing to try new activities without shutting down.
5 Practical Benchmarks of Healthy Progress
So if test scores aren’t the full picture, what should you be watching for? Here are five functional indicators I encourage parents to notice—the kinds of progress that show up in real life, often before any standardized score budges an inch.
1. Increased Engagement and Initiation
What it looks like: Maybe your child is starting to bring you things to show you. Maybe they’re checking in with you more during play. Maybe they’re just spending more time near you instead of turning or walking away.
Why it matters: This is huge. Increased engagement and initiation means your child is learning that connection feels good. That people are interesting. That you’re worth sharing their world with.
Examples to watch for:
Your child brings you a toy to show you (not just to request help)
They look back at you during an activity to share their excitement
They stay engaged in interaction for longer periods before wandering off
They initiate social games like peek-a-boo or chase
They seek you out when they’re upset instead of isolating
Track it this way: Notice how many times per day your child initiates interaction with you or seeks your attention. Even a small increase—from once a day to three times a day—represents meaningful growth in social motivation and connection.
2. Faster Recovery from Dysregulation
What it looks like: Pay attention to regulation. Is your child spending more time in that sweet spot—the “just-right” zone where they’re calm, focused, and available for learning? When they do get upset, are they coming back to baseline a little quicker than they used to?
Why it matters: Faster recovery from dysregulation is one of those invisible wins that changes everything. It means fewer rough mornings. It means more moments where your child is actually present and able to engage with the world around them. It means they’re building the internal resources to handle life’s challenges.
Examples to watch for:
Meltdowns that used to last 45 minutes now last 15
Your child can be redirected or soothed more easily
They use coping strategies (deep breaths, asking for space) instead of escalating
They recover enough to rejoin activities instead of being “done” for the day
They have more good hours in a day than bad ones
Track it this way: Keep a simple note on your phone: When dysregulation happens, how long does it take for your child to return to calm? Compare this month to last month. Even a 5-10 minute reduction in recovery time is significant progress.
3. Expanded Communication Functions
What it looks like: Early on, a lot of kids communicate mainly to request things. “I want juice.” “Open.” “Go.” But watch for the shift. Is your child starting to comment on things? Protest when they don’t like something? Share excitement about something they see? Use gestures, words, or AAC to do more than just ask for stuff?
Why it matters: That’s language expansion. That’s your child learning to share their inner world with you. When children move from only requesting to also commenting, protesting, and sharing, they’re developing the foundation for genuine conversation and connection.
Examples to watch for:
Commenting on what they see: “Big truck!” or pointing to show you
Protesting or rejecting: “No!” or pushing away unwanted items
Greeting people or saying goodbye
Sharing emotions: “Happy!” or showing you they’re upset
Asking questions about their environment (even simple ones)
Track it this way: Notice what percentage of your child’s communication is requesting versus other functions. If it used to be 100% requesting and now 30% is commenting or protesting, that’s major growth—even if their total number of words hasn’t increased.
4. Increased Flexibility and Adaptability
What it looks like: Flexibility is hard. Transitions are hard. New ideas are hard. But if you’re noticing that your child is handling changes a little more smoothly—maybe they can tolerate a different breakfast routine, or they tried a new toy without shutting down, or they let you take a different route home—that’s growth.
Why it matters: Greater tolerance for change means your child is building the skills to handle an unpredictable world. Rigid thinking and resistance to change can be some of the most challenging aspects of autism for families to navigate. When a child becomes more flexible, family life becomes more manageable, and the child can participate in a wider range of activities and experiences.
Examples to watch for:
Accepting changes in routine with less distress
Trying new foods or activities without major protest
Transitioning between activities more smoothly
Tolerating unexpected changes (store is closed, different teacher)
Playing with toys in new ways instead of always the same script
Track it this way: Make a mental note of transitions or changes that used to be major battles. When one of these situations becomes easier—even just slightly—recognize it as developmental progress in flexibility and executive functioning.
5. Improved Family Connection and Confidence
What it looks like: This one’s about you. Do you feel more confident as a parent? More in sync with your child? Do you feel like you’re understanding each other better, even if the words aren’t quite there yet?
Why it matters: When families report feeling more connected and confident, that’s not a soft, fuzzy bonus. That’s a core indicator that the relationship is strengthening—and relationship is where all communication growth happens.
Parent stress and confidence are predictive of child outcomes. When parents feel empowered and connected, they’re better able to support their child’s development in everyday moments. When they feel defeated or disconnected, even the best therapy strategies won’t translate to home life.
Examples to watch for:
You feel like you “get” your child better than you used to
You can predict and prevent meltdowns more successfully
You feel less stressed during daily routines
You have moments of genuine joy and connection with your child
You feel confident advocating for your child’s needs
Track it this way: Rate your own stress and connection on a simple 1-10 scale once a week. If your stress is going down and your feeling of connection is going up, that’s data that matters just as much as any standardized assessment.
Why These Functional Indicators Matter More Than You Think: The Research Behind Functional Progress
Research consistently shows that functional skills—the abilities that help a child participate in daily life, communicate effectively, and regulate their emotions—are better predictors of long-term outcomes than standardized test scores.
A child who can effectively communicate their needs across contexts—whether through flexible language or meaningful, functional scripts—is likely to experience stronger functional outcomes than a child with higher test scores whose language is less flexible or not yet serving clear communicative purposes.
Similarly, a child who has learned to recover quickly from dysregulation will access more learning opportunities throughout their day than a child who scores higher on cognitive assessments but spends hours in distress.
What Therapists and Educators Should Be Tracking
Progressive therapy teams track functional progress alongside standardized measures. They document:
Number and variety of communicative functions used
Duration and frequency of regulation throughout the day
Spontaneous social initiations and joint attention bids
Successful transitions and adaptive responses to change
Family confidence and competence in supporting development
If your child’s therapy team isn’t discussing these functional indicators at progress meetings, it’s worth bringing them up yourself.
How to Document and Advocate for Functional Progress
Create Your Own Progress Notes
You don’t need fancy forms or clinical language. Just keep simple notes on your phone. For example, you can take notes like this:
Date: April 14, 2026 What I noticed: Emma brought me her toy dinosaur three different times today just to show me (not asking for help). Last month she never shared interests like this.
Date: April 14, 2026 What I noticed: Meltdown at bedtime lasted only 10 minutes instead of the usual 30-45. He was able to calm down when I sat nearby and matched his breathing.
These observations are data. They matter. And they’ll help you advocate for your child’s needs at IEP meetings, therapy reviews, and medical appointments.
Questions to Ask at Your Next Progress Meeting
I’ve sat in too many meetings where parents apologized for bringing up these “small” things. Where they prefaced their observations with, “I know this isn’t on the goal sheet, but…”
Stop apologizing. These observations aren’t anecdotal noise. They’re meaningful data. Here are questions to ask that shift the focus to functional progress:
“Can we discuss how [child’s name] is doing with emotional regulation and recovery time?”
“I’ve noticed improvements in how they initiate interaction with family members. Are you seeing similar progress in therapy sessions?”
“How are we measuring progress beyond standardized scores?”
“What functional communication gains have you observed?”
“How can we document these quality-of-life improvements in the progress report?”
Common Questions Parents Ask About Tracking Progress
Q: Should I still care about standardized test scores?
A: Yes, but not exclusively. Standardized assessments have their place—they help qualify for services, track certain skill areas, and provide objective measures. But they should be part of the picture, not the whole picture. Think of them as one data source among many, not the only data source that matters.
Q: What if my child’s scores aren’t improving but I’m seeing these functional gains?
A: This is incredibly common and actually shows that your child is making meaningful progress. Often, functional improvements happen before standardized scores reflect change. Skills need time to generalize and consolidate before they show up on formal testing. Keep documenting what you’re seeing and sharing it with your team.
Q: How do I know if these small changes are actually significant?
A: Small changes that improve daily life are significant. If something makes mornings easier, reduces family stress, or helps your child participate more fully in activities they enjoy, it’s meaningful progress. Trust your observations—you’re with your child far more than any clinician.
Q: My child’s teacher focuses only on academic milestones. How do I get them to see the bigger picture?
A: Come prepared with specific examples and data. Instead of saying “they’re doing better,” say “they’re recovering from transitions in 5 minutes instead of 20, which means they’re actually available for instruction more hours per day.” Frame functional progress in terms of how it supports academic participation and learning readiness.
Q: What if no one on my child’s team is tracking these functional indicators?
A: You can request that functional goals be added to your child’s IEP or treatment plan. Use language like: “I’d like to see goals around emotional regulation, social initiation, and functional communication—not just skill acquisition.” Bring examples of the progress you’re seeing at home and ask how those skills can be supported and measured across settings.
Q: How often should I check for these indicators?
A: Rather than constantly monitoring, do a brief mental “check-in” once a week. Ask yourself: Compared to last month, is my child more regulated? More engaged? More flexible? More communicative? Do I feel more connected? This prevents burnout while still keeping you attuned to meaningful changes.
Q: What if I’m NOT seeing any of these indicators?
A: First, remember that progress isn’t always linear. There may be periods of plateau or even regression, especially during times of stress, illness, or developmental leaps. If you’re genuinely concerned that your child isn’t making functional progress over several months, bring this to your therapy team. It may be time to adjust approaches, intensify services, or explore whether current strategies are the right fit for your child.
What You Can Do Right Now
If you’re heading into an evaluation or progress meeting soon, I want you to do something. Before you walk into that room, take five minutes and jot down answers to these questions:
Your Pre-Meeting Reflection Worksheet
Engagement & Initiation: When does my child seek me out? What do they want to share with me? How has this changed in the past three months?
Regulation & Recovery: How long do difficult moments typically last now compared to three months ago? What helps my child calm down?
Communication Functions: Beyond requesting, what else is my child communicating about? (Comments? Protests? Greetings? Questions?)
Flexibility: What’s one change or transition my child handled better than I expected recently?
Family Connection: How confident do I feel understanding and supporting my child right now, compared to six months ago?
Bring those notes with you. Share them. Advocate for them to be part of the conversation. Because here’s the truth: if your child is more regulated, more engaged, more flexible, more communicative in function, and you’re feeling more connected and confident as a family—that’s progress. And it deserves to be documented clearly.
A Final Thought
Your child’s journey isn’t going to look like anyone else’s. Their progress won’t follow a neat, predictable timeline. And some of their biggest wins won’t show up on any standardized test.
But you’ll see them. In the way they look at you. In the way they ask for help. In the way they recover when things go wrong. In the way you both navigate this world together.
Trust Your Parental Instinct
You know your child better than any assessment tool ever will. You notice the subtle shifts in how they engage with the world. You feel the quality of your connection deepening. You see the moments of growth that happen in the grocery store, at bedtime, during play.
Those observations aren’t just valid—they’re essential. They’re the data that tells us whether interventions are actually improving your child’s life or just improving their test scores.
Progress Is Measured in Connection
At the end of the day, progress isn’t really about skills at all. It’s about your child feeling safe, understood, and capable. It’s about connection—with you, with their world, with themselves.
Every time your child seeks you out to share something, every time they recover a little faster from distress, every time they communicate something beyond “I want,” every time they roll with a change that used to derail their whole day—that’s not just progress.That’s transformation.
Trust what you’re seeing. Document it. Celebrate it. And never let anyone convince you it doesn’t count. Because it does. More than you know.
Ready to Track Your Child’s Functional Progress?
Download our free [Practical Benchmarks Handout] to start documenting the meaningful progress that matters most.
At McRory Pediatric Services, we believe progress is measured not just in skills acquired, but in the quality of life and connection experienced. Our developmental, neurodiversity-affirming approach focuses on functional gains that improve daily life for children and families.
Need support tracking and celebrating your child’s unique progress? Contact us to learn more about our family-centered therapy services.
