Supporting Social Growth Without Changing Who Your Child Is: Rethinking Pragmatic Language Support

At McRory Pediatric Services, we believe that every child deserves to be seen, celebrated, and supported for exactly who they are. As conversations around neurodiversity continue to grow, many parents are asking thoughtful, important questions about how to support their autistic children—especially when it comes to social development and pragmatic language.

We’ve heard heartfelt concerns from parents like:

• “Is teaching social skills implying there’s something wrong with my child?”

• “How do I support my child socially without pressuring them to act ‘neurotypical’?”

• “Can we help them without encouraging masking?”

  
  

These are powerful questions. And the truth is—we’re asking them too.

The good news? It’s entirely possible to support your child’s social growth without asking them to change who they are. In fact, that’s the very foundation of our approach.

What Is Pragmatic Language, and Why Does It Matter?

Pragmatic language is the way we use communication in real-life social situations. It goes beyond vocabulary or grammar—it’s about how we use language to build relationships, share ideas, and connect with others.

Some key aspects of pragmatic language include:

• Initiating and sustaining conversations

• Understanding nonverbal cues like tone of voice, body language, or facial expressions

• Using context to guide communication

• Taking turns, recognizing personal space, and identifying shared interests

  
  

For many autistic children, these aspects of communication don’t always come intuitively—and that’s not a problem to fix. It simply means they may benefit from support that helps make these “hidden rules” more accessible and concrete.

Not About Fixing—About Empowering

This is at the heart of our philosophy: Pragmatic language support is not about changing your child. It’s about equipping them with communication tools they can choose to use in ways that feel right for them.

Every child is different. Some may want more friends but feel unsure how to initiate conversations. Others might have great ideas in class but aren’t sure when or how to share them. Some children are misunderstood because their tone or facial expressions don’t match their intentions.

In these situations, supporting a child’s understanding of social communication helps them express themselves more clearly and confidently—not so they’ll “fit in” better, but so they can navigate social spaces more comfortably, on their terms.

We’re not teaching scripts or rules to mimic others. We’re helping children gain a deeper understanding of the social world as they experience it and giving them options—tools they can pull from when and if they want to connect with someone, advocate for themselves, or clarify a message.

A Strength-Based, Individualized Approach

Every child we work with is unique, and so is our approach. At McRory, our pragmatic language therapy is grounded in the following principles:

1. Respect for Neurodivergence

We honor the ways neurodivergent children process, communicate, and engage with the world. Our goal is never to make a child appear more “typical.” Instead, we celebrate their differences and work within their unique learning style, interests, and communication preferences.

We view neurodiversity as a natural and valuable part of human variation. Autistic communication styles—such as being direct, focused, or passionate about certain interests—are not deficits. They’re differences. And differences deserve respect, not correction.

2. Personalized, Child-Led Goals

We don’t impose goals on our clients. Instead, we listen—to the child, to the family, to the team. What does your child care about? What situations feel frustrating or confusing to them? What brings them joy?

Maybe your child wants to participate in group activities without feeling overwhelmed. Maybe they’d like to have more friends but find birthday parties stressful. Maybe they want to feel more confident during classroom discussions.

Whatever the goal is, we start there—because when a child is working toward something they care about, the learning becomes meaningful and empowering.

3. Building on Strengths

Many autistic children bring incredible strengths to social communication—creativity, honesty, loyalty, and deep passions, to name just a few. These traits are assets, and we integrate them into our support.

If a child is deeply interested in animals, for example, we might use that passion as a bridge to connect with others who share that interest. If they’re great at noticing patterns, we can help them apply that skill to recognize social patterns too.

We also teach children to advocate for their needs using language that feels authentic to them. Phrases like “I need a break,” “Can we do something quieter?” or “I don’t like when people touch me” are powerful tools of self-expression and boundary-setting.

These aren’t just social skills—they’re self-advocacy skills.

Supporting Without Masking

One of the biggest concerns parents bring up is the fear of encouraging masking. Masking is when a child hides their natural behaviors or mimics neurotypical communication to avoid judgment.

Masking can be exhausting, and over time, it can impact a child’s mental health, self-esteem, and sense of identity. That’s why we’re so careful not to teach “performative” social skills. Our work is about increasing awareness and options, not asking a child to suppress who they are.

We talk openly with children about the different “rules” people might expect in various settings—but we never tell them they must follow them. Instead, we help them explore their own communication goals and values.

For example:

• A child might learn that in some settings, eye contact is expected—but they can choose whether it’s something they want to do.

• They might discover that peers respond more positively when they ask questions during a conversation—but they’re free to decide when and how that feels comfortable.

• They might learn strategies to repair misunderstandings—not because they were “wrong,” but because clarity can help them feel more connected and respected.

  
  

It’s about options, not obligations.

Helping Parents Feel Confident and Supported

We know it can be overwhelming to navigate the world of therapies, supports, and philosophies—especially when you’re trying to do right by your child. You want them to thrive, to be understood, to have fulfilling relationships—but not at the expense of their authenticity.

You are not alone in this.

At McRory, we view parents as essential partners in this work. We’ll help you understand what pragmatic language support looks like, how it can benefit your child, and how to recognize when something isn’t a good fit. We’ll check in with you regularly, adjust goals as needed, and make sure your child’s voice remains central in the process.

We also offer practical strategies you can use at home—like modeling self-advocacy language, reflecting on social experiences together in a nonjudgmental way, and celebrating the unique ways your child connects with others.

Want to start learning more right now? Here are some great parent resources on communication development and neurodiversity-affirming parenting.

Because at the end of the day, our goal is the same as yours: to support your child’s growth in ways that feel meaningful to them and aligned with your family’s values.

You Don’t Have to Choose Between Support and Acceptance

It’s a common misconception that we must choose between accepting a child as they are or supporting their growth. But the truth is, we can do both.

Supporting social communication doesn’t mean asking a child to mask, mimic, or change. It means giving them tools to express themselves authentically, navigate the world more comfortably, and build the kinds of connections they want—on their own terms.

We believe in that balance. We practice it every day. And we’d be honored to walk alongside your family as you explore what it looks like for your child.

If you have questions about pragmatic language support or would like to learn more about how we can partner with you, we’d love to connect. Reach out to us at McRory Pediatric Services—we’re here to support your family with compassion, curiosity, and care.